Drifting Toward Healing: How a Retreat Changed Everything

ashley.inclima@gmail.com (Ashley Inclima) — Fri, 21 Mar 2025 15:10:45 GMT

What I Learned About Grief, Healing, and Being Seen

Grief has been a constant companion in my life. In 2010, I lost my childhood friend Gracie in a tragic ski accident. The following year, I lost my son Adrian to a fatal diagnosis in pregnancy, and then experienced a 5 week pregnancy loss just three months later. Then, in 2014, my best friend Amber passed away from ovarian cancer. These back to back losses knocked me down, and I struggled to get back up.

Through the years, I did what many of us do—I sought therapy, which was incredibly helpful. I learned tools to navigate the waves of grief, to process the pain, and to function in daily life. But despite all of that, I still carried my grief in such a heavy way. It felt like a weight that I couldn't put down, something I had learned to live with but would never feel “free” from.

Last year, I completed the Certified Grief Educator program through David Kessler, and it was incredibly healing. For the first time, I understood that my grief wasn’t something to “fix” or “move past.” It was normal. I was normal. There was nothing wrong with me for still feeling the depth of my losses. I also realized that our society doesn’t handle grief well. There is so much pressure to “move on” or “get back to normal,” as if that were even possible after losing people we love.

One of the most eye-opening things I learned is why grief lingers so heavily —because it hasn’t been witnessed. I hadn’t been given the space to fully share and be seen in my grief, without the expectation of needing to make it smaller or easier for others to hold.

The Retreat That Changed Everything

This realization led me to do something I never expected—I signed up for a grief retreat in Georgia last June. I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but I knew I needed to try something different. What I found was life-changing.

For the first time in so long, I felt truly seen . I felt community in a way I had never experienced before. I couldn’t believe the depth of connection I built with complete strangers in just a few days. And just as powerful as sharing my own grief was the experience of witnessing others’ grief and growth throughout the retreat.

I left feeling lighter , more myself than I had ever felt before. I left feeling like I could truly say that I love myself —something I didn’t think was possible.

Why I’m Hosting a Grief Retreat

This experience was so transformative that I knew I had to bring it to others. I want to offer the same connection, support, and healing to those who feel like their grief has no place to go. In a society that doesn’t support grief, I want to create a space where it is not only allowed but honored .

This is why I am collaborating with two other incredible women who know grief well to host the Rooted in the Tides of Life Grief Retreat in May 2025 —to provide a sanctuary for those who need their grief to be witnessed, for those who want to feel lighter, for those seeking community, and for those who are ready to find themselves again.

If this speaks to you, if you’ve felt the weight of grief for too long, this retreat is for you . You don’t have to carry it alone. Join us and find the solace you deserve.

(See "Events" page to learn more)

Riding the Waves of Life: Reflections on a Year of Supporting Families Through Love and Loss

ashley.inclima@gmail.com (Ashley Inclima) — Fri, 24 Jan 2025 22:51:49 GMT

Supporting Families, Finding Purpose

Yesterday marks one year since I established my LLC, Tides of Life Doula & Perinatal Bereavement Services. This milestone feels both surreal and deeply meaningful, and as I reflect on this past year, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the work I’ve been called to do and the families I’ve had the privilege of supporting.

My passion for supporting families through pregnancy loss stems from my own personal experiences with loss. Losing my son Adrian, experiencing a termination for medical reasons (TFMR), and enduring an early miscarriage were life-altering events. They not only shattered me but also opened my eyes to the harsh reality of the lack of readily available resources and compassionate support for families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss. As I navigated my grief, I realized I wasn’t alone in this isolation—others were suffering in silence too. Through my professional career, I encountered countless families experiencing the same void, same stigma, and same struggle to feel supported that I had felt. And I knew, one day I would take my pain and use it to create change.

Supporting families through their grief, love, and vulnerability has become the heart of my work, and it’s a privilege I don’t take lightly. Each time I hold space for someone, I feel my son Adrian’s love and light shining through me, guiding me to make a difference in the world.

One family I supported this past year stands out as a reflection of everything this work means to me. I was connected with a client who was struggling following a difficult miscarriage. Her provider referred her to me, and from the start, we were both so grateful for that connection. Just two months later, she experienced another devastating miscarriage. When she reached out to me again, I was deeply honored to support her through yet another heartbreak, one I wish she wasn’t experiencing. Together, we formed a bond—one of the most beautiful aspects of connecting with someone in their grief. Being part of the same “club” is a connection no one wishes for, but it makes you feel seen and less alone.

Months later, she became pregnant again. Navigating pregnancy after loss is incredibly challenging, trying to balance hope and fear, something I remember vividly struggling with while pregnant with my twin daughters. When she decided to hire me as her doula, I was thoroughly touched. I watched her manage her anxiety with courage, tend to herself with care, and lean on her supportive husband as they navigated this journey together. Their strength and love for one another were nothing short of inspiring.

Recently, this incredible couple welcomed their healthy baby boy into the world. Being present to support them as they brought their son into the world was one of the most moving and sacred experiences of my career! That full-circle moment was a powerful reminder of the ebb and flow of life: pain and joy, sacrifice and love, light and dark. It was a testament to the importance of holding on to hope, even when it feels impossible. Hope exists all around us, even when it’s hard to see and embrace.

This journey has reminded me why this work matters so deeply. Being trusted by others to hold space for their grief and to walk alongside them in their most vulnerable moments, is a gift. On this one-year anniversary of establishing my business, I am reflecting with immense gratitude! This year has been incredibly challenging as a new business owner, but it has also been undeniably worthwhile. It matters.